The school called me for the third day in a row. My son’s teacher told me that my he was screaming and thrashing and completely out of control because he “needed” to eat lunch in the school office, and that it was prohibited. She said that his eyes are wide and full of fear and she could tell that his medicine was doing something to him. Before I left to pick him up, I called the behavioral specialist (I’ve gotten in the habit of calling her a social worker, but she’s not really one) who is in charge of my son’s behavior plan, which is a prerequisite to seeing a psychiatrist. (You may have read in a previous post that the pediatrician who has been administering and adjusting failed med after failed med, finally gave up and decided that my boy’s case is beyond his expertise. He then referred us to a psychiatrist to take over the ADHD issue. It has been three weeks since we did the intake process at the community mental health (the only place our insurance will cover) and we are not even allowed to schedule an appointment with a doctor until the behavioral specialist draws up a treatment plan.) The first call this week was to warn that if his behavior continues, they will have to send him home. The second call was because the boy was in a panicked state & said he needed to be with his mommy. The third call was apparently a surprise to him, because when I walked into his school with his sister still in her pj’s and bare feet (due to the emergent situation.) He saw me and said, “What are you doing here?” “Well, honey, the school called me.” He turned to his teachers and counselor, who were hanging back a bit in the hall, and yelled: “Why did you call her? I’m very angry at you!” It all went down hill from there. I had to carry my son out of the school, kicking and screaming. The teacher carried his baby sister and watched helplessly while I buckled my thrashing hollering child into his car seat. I drove directly to his pediatrician’s office and called them to let them know what’s going on. The receptionist took the phone to the doctor, and he quickly decided that there was nothing that he could do for us, and his only suggestion was for me to take him to the UofM ER for a psyche evaluation. They asked if the boy was threatening to hurt himself or others, and the answer was no. They told me to discontinue all ADHD meds immediately, and said goodbye. I was completely on my own with a child that was screaming at the top of his lungs, “I hate you and you hate me, we hate each other!” When I responded, “No baby, I love you very much.” He would just scream louder: “I want you to hate me! Why won’t you hate me!” “Hate me!” There was much more, but you get the gist. I did what I felt was best. I went home because baby girl was in her pj’s with no shoes and no extra diapers, no baby bag, plus I had no ID on me. I left the screaming boy in the car (he was saying that he refused to get out anyway) while I put his sister into her crib for a nap & turned her fan on high. ( I should explain that she actually fell asleep during all this racket because the boy has the entire household completely sleep deprived.) I ran back out to the car and unbuckled the boy and carried him into the house and into my bedroom, which is farthest away from the sleeping baby. I held him and stroked him and reassured him that I loved him no matter what, and that there was nothing that he could do or say to make me not love him. He calmed down a bit but was still professing his hate for me. He stated that he wanted to go outside and be away from me. I said, ok, you can go out in the yard, but you can’t rage… if you do, I’ll come get you and you’ll have to be inside with me. So he went outside and I started cleaning the house again, but was watching him to be sure he didn’t go out the gate and run away. He was sitting on the porch and I looked at him and smiled, and he said, “Ok, I guess you can love me and I can love you too.” The rest of the day was spent very closely monitoring and interacting with the boy. It was exhausting. He was manic. We were one misstep away from a complete meltdown, I could tell because his eyes were wide and wild looking. He even played franticly, quickly shifting from activity to activity, often losing his train of thought and not even remembering where he set his toy down. Several hours later, the counselor called me back and I did my best to explain what happened, but I feel that she still doesn’t understand how bad it was. Then the teacher returned my call. She and 3 other people had been in a meeting for an hour and a half, solely talking about what the next gameplan is with the boy. I told the teacher I was going to keep him out of school for the last day of the week and let him “detox” over the weekend, and that we’d talk Monday morning about whether he was ready to come back or not. She said that the other witnesses to his behavior thought I should have taken him to the ER. I feel that I made the right choice by taking him home. When the boy was screaming about “I want you to hate me!” All I heard was, “Please, please love me, I need you to show me that you can love me even at my worst!” And most importantly, this psychotic break was brought on by medication and if I took him to an ER, they would just give him more medication. My son doesn’t need a diagnosis of “bi-polar” to be heaped on top of his ADHD, when clearly the meds were the cause of this.